I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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