well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
