if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
