Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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