I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
