If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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