too bad you live with your parents still
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
