when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Shitshow foam night was such a success
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
