it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
