He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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