I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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