Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
