I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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