you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
