Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Randomize