Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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