Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
