and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Come see our sink grown plant.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
