Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Too much gin, very little bucket
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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