I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Randomize
