You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
