We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
