My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
