Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
