i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
