remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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