Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
