I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
So squirting runs in the family.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Randomize
