can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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