if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
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I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
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Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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