just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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