i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
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