You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
