i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
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She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
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So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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