He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
