I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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