Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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