I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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