On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
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I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
PANTIES FOUND
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