I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
