her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
