Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
