the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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