last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Boobs are out for the taking
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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