well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
