We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
