Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
