erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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