this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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