My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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