facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
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I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
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If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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