Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
