Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
