Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
