Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
