We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
