I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
