I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
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