i may or may not be watching the land before time
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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