well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
We're too hungover to prance.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
