That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
