While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
