i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
