Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
