walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
