im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
