I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
