i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I don't deserve a penis
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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