My room smells like vodka and shame
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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