I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
