I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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